16 May 2016

Child Abuse PTSD Survivor: Never Thought That I Would Be Healed and Changed (Intro: Part Two)

I HAD WHAT CAN ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS A SPIRITUAL AWAKENING OR EXPERIENCE LAST YEAR, after reading a chapter in the book, Sermon On The Mount by Emmett Fox that was recommended to me (stay tuned for more specifics about this in a future post). At the time it occurred, I was thinking about and struggling with how best to be of loving service, and inclusive of ALL the people affected by child abuse to which this music project is dedicated. This includes everyone who has abused, is currently abusing, or is thinking about abusing children.

AS MY CREATOR OFTEN DOES WHEN I PRAY, MEDITATE, OR ASK FOR A SOLUTION, a situation is presented to me that brings me face-to-face with my own personal integrity, absolute truth, or perhaps hypocrisy and fear (more about this in another post) so I can learn, grow and claim healing through using conflicts as allies or medicine. Had I truly been healed of my anger, resentment and hatred (of my abusers and self) and would take more personal action to inspire change, or was I just speaking and writing airy nothing words, and perhaps, I'd been deluding myself?

“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” -- Socrates

THIS "INTRO: PART TWO" POST IS MY SECOND STEP IN HONORING THE MIRACLE (one of many) that the Creator has accomplished so that I can be a channel for what I am calling "Christ Consciousness" or "Higher Consciousness" for those who are still suffering the affects of child abuse by being slaves to an uncontrollable mental, emotional, physical and spiritual sickness, acting it out over-and-over-and-over again with children. (Read Intro: Part One)

IN BRIEF, LET ME SHARE THAT MY PAST INCLUDES MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, AND SEXUAL ABUSE by two adults--a male and a female (independent of one another though they knew one another well) who were supposed to be taking care of me (at the ages of 3-5). I developed Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD); addiction disease symptoms, problems and harmful behaviors; and deep, intrinsic voids, dead zones, and "imprints" in my soul and spirit that were underlying it all.

BECAUSE I HAD LOTS OF LOVE FROM FAMILY AND FRIENDS in my childhood as well (let's call it some form of counter-balance) and angel protectors, I never had to confront or deal with jails, institutions, death (though I did attempt suicide once after the death of my mother in 1979).

PROBLEMS RESPECTING BOUNDARIES, OBSESSIONS, AND COMPULSIONS ARE PART OF MY STORY, but for some reason (many say through the grace of God), my obsessive and compulsive issues over which I had no control did not result in abusing children (though I did act out the sexual behavior I was taught as an abused child with other children until I was 12-years-old).

THOUGH I HAD MEMORIES OF ABUSE FROM THE WOMAN, I HAD SUPPRESSED the abuse from the male (except for some shadow scenes). As life would have it, I was offered work as a Child Protective Service Manager by a friend of my mom's after her death. I worked for a few years in the Sex Abuse Unit, and then left due to the stress, and from fear of becoming cynical and hating the job as I observed in some of the career professionals.

I NEED TO WRAP UP THE SECOND PART OF THIS INTRODUCTION NOW, but wanted to give you some information to connect with and consider as I begin writing posts that share more of what influenced this decision, my personal history, challenges, plus innovative potential, and tried-and-true solutions to end child abusive behavior. As much as I can, I hope to share resources through research and interviews that provide access to successful solutions. Also, I will be sharing by storytelling (short stories, flash fiction, films, TV, other media), and inspirational quotes. The promise I made to Godd is that I will share the healing blessings I have claimed with those who still suffer--children of ALL ages.

THE JOURNEY TO HEALING BEGINS WITH A SINGLE STEP. This is another step among so many that I've taken in my own journey. If you are abusing or planning to act out on your obsession, consider that it's your turn to begin, or take another (or different step) as well.

“Love has no antithesis. Hate isn't the opposite of Love. Hate is anger that escalates forming an imprint in the soul.” -- The Creator  

MY SINCERE, HEARTFELT THANK YOU, to all of you who have supported this blog since I created it in 2009. I am a recipient of the tremendous amount of solution energy generated, and I don't know what else I can say because I am overwhelmed with gratitude to be a recipient.

BLESS YOU, and please continue to play, listen, share, fan, arrange, mash-up, and produce All My Life (any version) plus like, tweet, and promote this blog and it's content. Together we can do what we cannot do alone.

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